Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What are your delivery times?
A: Except where noted, entertainers can be scheduled from 9am to 11pm - 7 days a week (some holidays excluded). Additional
fees for delivery outside of these times.
Q: What's an arrival window?
A: An arrival window is not the length of the show,
it is the time period between which our performers will arrive within.
Q: Do you have references?
A: Check out our Testimonial Page.
Q: Do you have
your policies in writting?
A: Yes, on our Policies Page.
Where can you do a singing telegram?
A: Just about anywhere! We go to homes, offices, schools,
and restaurants. It's a good idea to call and make sure it's okay with the boss, the principal, or the management. We
use no foul language, but it can get a little noisy with all the laughter and applause. It is also a good idea to have
a contact person at the location who knows we are coming but can keep it a surprise for the recipient.
Q: What songs do you sing?
Eastern Onion has written original comedic songs that are specific to the occasion. The performer will sing the song
appropriate to the event.
Do you do custom written shows or songs?
A: Yes. We can perform a roast or custom character
or song. Pricing is based upon request.
Q: Do you provide other entertainment?
A: Many of our performers provide other services
such as D.J., Strolling Magician, Cabarets and Barbershop Quartets.
Q: How much notice is needed?
As much as you can give us! We can sometimes provide same-day service,
but advanced reservations are appreciated.
For custom requests, we'll need at least two week¹s notice.
Q: Should I call to confirm my reservation?
Once your order is entered into the computer you are all set. Placing an order takes just a few minutes. If you
have any questions or need to add something, you may reference your reservation by order number or delivery date and name.
Q: Will the performers be lewd or crude in any way?
A: Eastern Onion has been doing singing telegrams since the 70s. The characters have been evolving
as the times have changed. The shows are designed to make someone the center of attention and also entertain the
crowd. They are performed by actors who know how to think on their feet and improvise. We are not trying to shock or
embarrass anyone. We use no bad language or lewd costuming. Of course, anytime someone is made the center of attention
it can be a little embarrassing just watch out for paybacks!
Q: What guarantee do I have that the performer will show up?
A: We use professional actors, clowns, singers, musicians and the like. We screen our talent carefully
to be sure they will show up and do a wonderful job. There may be some situations that are beyond our control,
but historically, these have been rare. If Eastern Onion or the performer is aware of any problem, we will contact
you immediately. And, even if our performer should show up one minute outside their arrival window, you
can turn them away at a full refund. And remember, we are in the appointment business, not the disappointment
business. A unique service like ours would not have survived for over 20 years unless we were doing it right.