Frequently Asked Questions Q: What are your delivery times? A: Except where noted, entertainers can be scheduled from 9am to 11pm - 7 days a week (some holidays excluded). Additional fees for delivery outside of these times. Q: What's an arrival window? A: An arrival window is not the length of the show, it is the time period between which our performers will arrive within. Q: Do you have references? A: Check out our Testimonial Page. Q: Do you have your policies in writting? A: Yes, on our Policies Page.  Q: Where can you do a singing telegram? A: Just about anywhere! We go to homes, offices, schools, and restaurants. It's a good idea to call and make sure it's okay with the boss, the principal, or the management. We use no foul language, but it can get a little noisy with  all the laughter and applause. It is also a good idea to have a contact person at the location who  knows we are coming but can keep it a surprise  for the recipient. Q: What songs do you sing? A: Eastern Onion has written original comedic songs that are specific to the occasion. The performer will sing the song appropriate to the event. Q: Do you do custom written shows or songs? A: Yes. We can perform a roast or custom character or song. Pricing is based upon request. Q: Do you provide other entertainment? A: Many of our performers provide other services such as D.J., Strolling Magician, Cabarets and Barbershop Quartets. Q: How much notice is needed? A: As much as you can give us! We can sometimes  provide same-day service, but advanced  reservations are appreciated. For custom  requests, we'll need at least two week¹s  notice. Q: Should I call to confirm my reservation?  A: Once your order is entered into the computer  you are all set. Placing an order takes just a few minutes.  If you have any questions or need to add something, you may reference your reservation by order number or delivery date and name. Q: Will the performers be lewd or crude in any way? A: Eastern Onion has been doing singing telegrams  since the 70s. The characters have been evolving  as the times have changed. The shows are designed  to make someone the center of attention and also  entertain the crowd. They are performed by actors  who know how to think on their feet and improvise. We are not trying to shock or  embarrass anyone. We use no bad language or lewd  costuming. Of course, anytime someone is made the center of attention it can be a little embarrassing  just watch out for paybacks! Q: What guarantee do I have that the performer  will show up? A: We use professional actors, clowns, singers,  musicians and the like. We screen our talent carefully to be sure they will show up and do a wonderful job. There may be some situations that  are beyond our control, but historically, these  have been rare. If Eastern Onion or the performer  is aware of any problem, we will contact you  immediately. And, even if our performer should  show up one minute outside their arrival window,  you can turn them away at a full refund. And  remember, we are in the appointment business, not  the disappointment business. A unique service  like ours would not have survived for over 20 years unless we were doing it right.